To have loved and lost

We love a lot of people in our lives. As a friend, as an inspiration, as a crush, as a lover, as a member of one’s family, as a sibling. The list can go on endlessly as the labels we attach to relations we share in life. Of all the people who enter our lives, we love a few of them and give a special place to them in our hearts.

As humans, all of us are flawed. We make mistakes. We have expectations. We have limits to our patience and compassion. We may lie or break trust at times. Sometimes for a good cause too.

If a stranger does something not conducive to you, you may get upset or angry for a while and then forget all about it. But what if that same act is done by someone we love ? It hurts much more. Of course we forgive them too, but the level of pain caused is higher than that which a random stranger would have caused.

A lot of times, the ones we love, break our hearts with their words or actions. Sometimes our love is not reciprocated from their end. We may see them as our special ones, but for them we are just one amidst the crowd. Due to one or many of several causes, we may loose our loved ones. There comes resentment, anger, melancholy or pain.

In the face of pain, we often question if it was all worth it ? Whether the relationship was worth all the sadness we are now engulfed in ? Would it have been better if we never knew that person at all ? At least we wouldn’t have been so badly hurt then. These thoughts are even more profound when the relationship was very short lived and it ended with flimsy ties or bitterness or regrets. Every time I am heartbroken or I loose a loved one from my life, I often revisit these thoughts and questions.

And every single time, my heart gives me one united answer. “YES”. Every person who enters your life gives you memories to cherish for a lifetime. They teach you certain lessons and they also mold you into the person you become or are yet to become. They inevitably influence us in some way or the other. There is of-course a positive and negative side to both memories, influences and lessons. It actually depends on ones perspective towards life and the person in question; with factors like connection, time and affection shared with the person being a variable factor to adjust. Some people make a special place in our lives in a really short span of time while some relations although decades old are mere acquaintances.

Based on my experiences on loving and loosing, I have noticed one thing in common. The positives have always, always outweighed the negatives. I might have a few not so pleasant memories, but a lot more fond memories. Some harsh lessons learnt made me a stronger, braver and wiser person from the naive teenager I once was. There is to learn something from every person you come across in life. Some teach you the lessons by leading through an example while some lessons are learnt by failing the test of life. But, you learn. And you grow. You evolve.

I have had some of my greatest learning and lessons and the fondest memories from the loved ones I’ve lost. Their loss has taught me to value the presence of other loving relations in life. It has taught me to appreciate the beauty of the moment as you never know what tomorrow has to unfold. Never has this loss stopped me from loving again. At times I am surprised as to the heart’s capacity to expand and share love. Love, kindness and compassion have boundaries that can stretch up to one’s will. Love and loss makes us stretch these beyond our imagination. We learn to forgive and to move on in life. We learn to let go. We expand our frontiers to love unconditionally.

We understand that not everything in life is mutual and reciprocated. We got to deal with rejection and loss associated with the unrequited love. We learn to give our best and beyond to our special relationships irrespective of the outcomes.

We learn the sportsmanship spirit to accept defeat and sometimes loosing to your loved one can be a victory in itself. And most importantly, we learn to be kind – to ourselves, for making mistakes; to others around us and the special one we’ve lost. We learn empathy by practice. Life comes as a circle and often you find yourself in the shoes of the other person you once resented and then you better appreciate and understand the person and their situation. Because, sometimes nobody is wrong. It’s just the circumstances that went wrong.

Vulnerable

So, if I’m asked the question is it better to have loved and lost or never have loved, I choose to be vulnerable. Vulnerable to feelings, to love and loss, to hurt and learning, to memories. Choosing to be vulnerable is scary at times. But it is indeed so beautiful – to open up your heart. You have great possibilities of being hurt, but greater to be truly happy. But for that, you need to trust. Like if you’re jumping off the cliff you need an assurance that your harness is tied correct or that there is someone or something to catch you. You need to trust yourself. That you will be okay no matter what. You need to trust the larger picture of life. That every problem is an opportunity in disguise.

It’s okay to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

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You know you are in love, When…

Have you been guilty of doing this too ?? Checking out their sun sign forecast – to find out from the stars, what they are like or why they act up like they do 😀 I think that sun signs to some extent do affect the way we are and our approach towards life.

On a serious note, you know you are in love when –

You care about the other person as much as you care about yourself, or even more ❤ Love is present in small gestures of affection and care & putting the person you love & the things they care about, on top of your priority list !

Love makes the world go round, isn’t it !!

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P.S.: Rashee (Hindi) = Sun sign

S I L E N C E

Silence is golden – they say. I would like to disagree.

Opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Silence is indifference.

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Silence creates a void. Silence hurts. Silence creates a distance no bridges can cover. Silence can break hearts beyond repair. Silence from our loved ones can wage cold wars which can be so difficult to reconcile. I feel it is always better to communicate rather than being silent about how we feel.

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I do understand the other perspective of silence. When without saying you can say it all. And at times words are not needed at all when love and connection is so deep.

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What it means to be a friend . . .

Have you ever had a friend you always admired ? I have had the privilege of knowing some such wonderful people who amaze me with their love and kindness.
Often, we put ourselves on the line for our best friends.
 
How rare it is to find someone who is just a ‘friend’; not they or you being their ‘best friend’ but they do something for you so special that it finds a forever unforgettable place in your heart. 

I studied in an all girls convent high school since my kindergarten right up to grade 12. So, technically I know Kay for over 20 years ! We became friends in grade 8. She was one of the sweetest, coolest and kindest person I knew. Someone I aspired to be like. Super creative, talented and so expressive. Till grade 10, our roll numbers in class were consecutive as we shared the same surname. She and I were partners in crime and I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said that we troubled all our high school teachers beyond possible limits. Post grade 10, she moved to science stream and changed schools. We kept in touch nonetheless.

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उड़ा चला जाये रे (With English Translation)

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Inspired from a beautiful Bollywood song   ‘Monta Re’ 

उड़ा चला जाये रे

स्याही से रंगे
कागज़ के दो पंख लेके
उड़ा चला जाये रे . . .
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The Cookie Plate

One of my colleagues got us a box of cookies today from his vacation and he placed them all in our office pantry in a plate at lunch time. I tried both – chocolate and chocolate brownie flavor; and they were so delicious ! The mini me insisted me to have a second round since there were many more even after everyone had treated themselves with the sweet treat. That mini me was temptation. And let me tell you, fighting the world is easier than fighting with your own self. 
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So what did I do ? Well, I walked away from the temptation. Even from the 2 cookies I got for myself, I shared them with my coworker and the other cookies I packed up for our house keeping guy.  Oh boy ! The happiness in his eyes was worth every bit of it. He said he’ll share it with his friends and that struck a chord to me. How the little acts of kindness and sharing can brighten up someone’s day. I’m glad I walked away from the temptation and it was empowering.

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Long time, No see !

Being away from blogosphere, feels like being away from my friends and family. In this interim time, I have managed to be in touch with my writing and have many thoughts to be shared on this space.


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An Open Letter To Myself . . .

Dear you,

Sub.: Letting go

I know it’s hard. I know you want to hold the sand in your fist, a bit longer. But the harder you’re trying to hold on it to, the quicker it’s flowing away; isn’t it ? Letting go is hard, to put it as the very least. There’s pain and agony which is directly related to the affection and the connection you share with the person or the thing you are about to let go.

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Dear Zindagi : Beloved Life – You are amazing !

I bet, any girl watching the movie Dear Zindagi; would have a crush on Jag – the character portrayed by Bollywood’s undoubted King –  Shahrukh Khan. The way he navigates Kaira to maze out of the complexities of life so effortlessly made me realize that life is simple, we complicate it beyond repair and they complain about life being unfair and harsh. That all problems come with opportunities in disguise and a solution, always ! At times all you need is a catalyst to help you settle the dust and see yourself clearly amidst the turbulent waters.

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A Dedication on Teachers Day

Behind every dream I saw,
There was an unwavering belief..

Behind every wise decisions I took,
There was a learning & a lesson..

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Seeking a Great Perhaps

Last week reading through John Green’s debut novel ‘Looking for Alaska’ left me pondering over a very important thing – “Seeking a Great Perhaps”. Miles, the protagonist of the novel who is obsessed with last words of great men, leaves his home town to study in a boarding school his father had once studied in. When asked by his parents as to why he wanted to leave, holding a biography of Francois Rabelais, he replies : “Francois Rabelais. He was a poet. And his last words were “I go to seek a Great Perhaps.” That’s why I’m going. So I don’t have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps.”

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Signing off 2015

“Some goodbyes mark new beginnings.”

As the sun of 2015 sets and the eve of new year 2016 creeps in, I feel fortunate for this year of learning. This year has given me a lot and also snatched away somethings from me, for which I hold no remorse. The biggest thing which I have gained this year is myself. I have come in terms with my fears and discovered my dreams. I have learned to forgive and love unconditionally. Continue reading

Mirror to my soul . . .

Trust the one who can see the sadness in your smile decoding happyness

All of us wear masks at one point in time or the other. Masks of being happy, being sane and normal, being ‘okay’ when we don’t exactly feel the same way within. There are very few people who can see our real selves just by looking into our eyes or from the sound of our ‘hello’. These are the people we needn’t pretend to. With whom we can shed our inhibitions and laugh till our tummy hurts or weep till the sunlight hurts our eyes. They are the mirror to our souls. They show us the turmoil and chaos within us, when at times we lie to our own selves. They are the people who love us unconditionally and understand us more than we do understand ourself at times. Their mere presence is a soothing ointment to our distressed soul.

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Silent hours of the empty nights


Silent empty hours FRIENDS Rachel Green

 

Silent hours of the empty lonely nights,
Tears that stream down my cheeks,
While I stare in the space infinite,
Trying to draw pictures of you and me together,
A heart beat skipped,
When I randomly come across pieces of you,
All this, and so much more;
Have now become my best friends . . .


P.S.: Dedicated to all F.R.I.E.N.D.S. lovers ❤ Continue reading

When nothing goes right, go WRITE !

When nothing goes right, GO WRITE

When nothing goes right, when you have no one to share the lonesome worries of your heart, go WRITE. Write to your journal, your dairy, your notebook, your email, your mobile app or your blog. Not because someone is going to read, write for yourself. Write to escape. Write to let go. Write to release – the pain, regrets and fears. Write not because you want to, write because you HAVE to.

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Bucket List : Christmas 2015

“Christmas doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more….”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

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“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”

― Steve Maraboli

Dreams that steal my sleep !

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Some time back I was discussing with a dear friend of mine about how dreams have the power to change lives. True dreams aren’t the ones which we see while asleep, they are the ones that make us forget our hunger and sleep. They lead us to be passionate enough, to make sacrifices for which the world may call one “Crazy” or “Workaholics” !

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Platform 9 3/4

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Sometimes you need to leave behind doubts and skepticism,
You need to stop thinking why it ‘wouldn’t’..

Sometimes you have to forget about the thousand times you failed,
And try harder like never before, one last time..

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Gratitude Fills My Heart

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21st Sept is celebrated as “World Gratitude Day”. Unfortunately, I got to know about the same, just today. But, regret not ! It is always better to be late, than never. Let us celebrate this wonderful week as “Gratitude Week”, thanking the people who fill colours in the rainbow of our lives and bring light and love to our being.

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Conditions Apply ?

Life doesn’t come with a “conditions apply” tag or guarantees. We do not know what life will serve in its platter in the next 5 minutes or what we will be like over the years to come. Yet we never question life. Why ? Because we have faith. Because we trust. We trust life. We trust the supreme creator, some call him God. We take life as it is, as it comes, the atrocities and the hardships as well as the joys and happiness. At times we feel disappointed, but that doesn’t mean that we give up. We persist. Because we know that life has its booms and recessionary phases. At times life is a beautiful sunny day and at other times, we are walking in the dessert sand guided by the dim moonlight !

Conditions Apply Himali Shah

So it is with love. Continue reading

Hello Happ’y’ness !!

Decoding Happyness

Decoding Happiness is now Decoding Happ’y’ness 😊

With a brand new logo and tag line ! Like it ? Let me know in the comments below 🙂

Know the person behind this blog : Check my About Page

Why Decoding Happ’y’ness ?? Visit Decoding Happ’y’ness Page

NEVER, Ever Give up on Life & Hope !

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We all have good days, days when we feel like we are flying in spaceships towards the cosmic joy, we have sad days, days that are just empty & days that seem like the worst has doomed upon us. For someone the “worst” might be a breakup with their lover, a quarrel with their family or beloved friend, failing an exam, not getting the job they dreamed of or a failure or setback which diminished all forms of hope and faith in goodness & the Almighty, a death or a loss that is impossible to recover.

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Life is like a bell shaped cyclic curve. At a point in time, things get pretty stagnant and dull. Continue reading

My Dearest Teacher

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Had you not held my hand,
When I stumbled, on way to meet knowledge,
I would have been lost..

Had you not answered the questions of my curious mind
Which, to everyone else might have seemed so lame,
I would have been a half-baked pot..

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Wordless Wednesdays : Butterflies <3

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We are all butterflies of the almighty. We start off as caterpillars. Unaware of our potentials ! Not knowing of the beautiful wings that are yet to unfold. And then, slowly and gradually, we morph; into beautiful, colorful and graceful butterflies, spreading love and happiness wherever they sit, even for a moment. Continue reading

Reflection of My Soul : Unplugged

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As I wrote this quote last evening, my eyes were welled with unshed tears. Though I love quotes a lot, I never thought that something would ever, move me so deeply; that I’d write one myself one day. Perhaps, that’s the beauty of life. It presents you with bounteous surprises.

The things that stuck me to the core yesterday were :

1. It happens for a reason

2. Far or near, everyone you meet, becomes a part of you in some ways.

Let me share how these two things are beautifully intertwined. My friend Donna shared a post of a 1000 piece puzzle. It amazed me entirely as to how can a human mind solve such a massive and complex puzzle with such intricacies. Till date I had this question looming over my mind. (This bit of information might appear something out of the blue right now, but read till the very end)

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Rhyming Poem : A Precious Present !

My name is Himali
I’m a writer of sorts
I have my own blog
To express many thoughts
My Posts seem quite popular
My messages are clear
And that’s why I’m smiling
You all seem so near.

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