To have loved and lost

We love a lot of people in our lives. As a friend, as an inspiration, as a crush, as a lover, as a member of one’s family, as a sibling. The list can go on endlessly as the labels we attach to relations we share in life. Of all the people who enter our lives, we love a few of them and give a special place to them in our hearts.

As humans, all of us are flawed. We make mistakes. We have expectations. We have limits to our patience and compassion. We may lie or break trust at times. Sometimes for a good cause too.

If a stranger does something not conducive to you, you may get upset or angry for a while and then forget all about it. But what if that same act is done by someone we love? It hurts much more. Of course, we forgive them too, but the level of pain caused is higher than that which a random stranger would have caused.

A lot of times, the ones we love, break our hearts with their words or actions. Sometimes our love is not reciprocated from their end. We may see them as our special ones, but for them, we are just one amidst the crowd. Due to one or any of several causes, we may lose our loved ones. There comes resentment, anger, melancholy or pain.

In the face of pain, we often question if it was all worth it? Whether the relationship was worth all the sadness we are now engulfed in? Would it have been better if we never knew that person at all? At least we wouldn’t have been so badly hurt then. These thoughts are even more profound when the relationship was very short-lived and it ended with flimsy ties or bitterness or regrets. Every time I am heartbroken or I lose a loved one from my life, I often revisit these thoughts and questions.

And every single time, my heart gives me one united answer. “YES”. Every person who enters your life gives you memories to cherish for a lifetime. They teach you certain lessons and they also mold you into the person you become or are yet to become. They inevitably influence us in some way or the other. There is, of course, a positive and negative side to both memories, influences, and lessons. It actually depends on one’s perspective towards life and the person in question; with factors like connection, time and affection shared with the person being a variable factor to adjust. Some people make a special place in our lives in a really short span of time while some relations although decades old are mere acquaintances.

Based on my experiences of loving and losing, I have noticed one thing in common. The positives have always, always outweighed the negatives. I might have a few not so pleasant memories, but a lot more fond memories. Some harsh lessons learned made me a stronger, braver and wiser person from the naive teenager I once was. There is to learn something from every person you come across in life. Some teach you the lessons by leading through an example while some lessons are learned by failing the test of life. But, you learn. And you grow. You evolve.

I have had some of my greatest learning and lessons and the fondest memories from the loved ones I’ve lost. Their loss has taught me to value the presence of other loving relations in life. It has taught me to appreciate the beauty of the moment as you never know what tomorrow has to unfold. Never has this loss stopped me from loving again. At times I am surprised as to the heart’s capacity to expand and share love. Love, kindness, and compassion have boundaries that can stretch up to one’s will. Love and loss make us stretch these beyond our imagination. We learn to forgive and to move on in life. We learn to let go. We expand our frontiers to love unconditionally.

We understand that not everything in life is mutual and reciprocated. We got to deal with rejection and loss associated with the unrequited love. We learn to give our best and beyond to our special relationships irrespective of the outcomes.

We learn the sportsmanship spirit to accept defeat and sometimes losing to your loved one can be a victory in itself. And most importantly, we learn to be kind – to ourselves, for making mistakes; to others around us and the special one we’ve lost. We learn empathy by practice. Life comes as a circle and often you find yourself in the shoes of the other person you once resented and then you better appreciate and understand the person and their situation. Because sometimes nobody is wrong. It’s just the circumstances that went wrong.


So, if I’m asked the question is it better to have loved and lost or never have loved, I choose to be vulnerable. Vulnerable to feelings, to love and loss, to hurt and learning, to memories. Choosing to be vulnerable is scary at times. But it is indeed so beautiful – to open up your heart. You have great possibilities of being hurt, but greater to be truly happy. But for that, you need to trust. Like if you’re jumping off the cliff you need an assurance that your harness is tied correct or that there is someone or something to catch you. You need to trust yourself. That you will be okay no matter what. You need to trust the larger picture of life. That every problem is an opportunity in disguise.

It’s okay to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

4things in life.jpg


55 thoughts on “To have loved and lost

  1. This is a wonderful post and I can only agree. Every encounter – even the most painful one – leaves a gift. The gift of developing something within us which would have never happened otherwise. We will always have the encounters we need in order to grow the way we are supposed to grow. Yes, it is all worth it and all part of our wonderful unique history. Amazing post, Himali!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think that being vulnerable makes us weak but that our hearts lie in the right place. It’s a sign of strength. Expressing regret over a relationship can be misplaced for every small thing define us as humans.It hurts when someone close to us makes us unwanted. I agree to that. How you’ve put it so beautifully, ‘Because, sometimes nobody is wrong. It’s just the circumstances that went wrong.’

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think that we need to have vulnerabilities to be human. Our life, our character, is largely based on the scars that we carry from our vulnerabilities being hurt. I wouldn’t have it any other way.


  4. Excellent Post Himali! The day that I have no feelings, will be the day that my body quits. Feelings are good…. whether happy or sad because it means that we are alive and can express life. Somebody once said that you only get one chance at life… so why waste it in self-pity (“poor me”) or other negative connotations. Life should be lived and loved for the experience that it is. We can learn from life. We can celebrate life. We can smile at broken relationships because they taught us so much, and we realized our own shortcomings. We can realize our vulnerabilities and choose (or not) to make changes! Great Post. 🙂


  5. “[M]y ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.
    Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds
    us, binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.
    You must feel the Force flow around you. Here, between you,
    me, the tree, the rock, yes, even between the land and the ship.”


    True it is that we as human
    beings can grow to be light
    as the pure light that is pure
    Love where dARk can visit
    but now never stay.. As Many
    Neurons iN Our Brains tHeRe
    Are as Stars NoW iN A MilkyWay
    aS many Bio-Chemical-Electrical
    Connections.. from head.. to toe
    NoW aS UniVerSE Stars seen with
    aided eYes of science.. no.. now not
    only are we mini-me stars for we
    are reflection of the Galaxy and
    UniVerse and God unto God
    as reflection of all that is
    as God as Crucible
    Fire of Star Burst
    Death at
    Core Leaves
    Gaseous Clouds
    where we resurrect from
    that Star Death as Sentient
    Star Dust plUs GroWinG Waves
    As Relative Free WiLL NoW iN Ocean Whole
    LiGht where all points oF liGht.. yes.. iN aLL our
    CeLLs.. A Quadrillion or so bio-chemical-electrical
    connections reflect Love Back to NoW all A UnivERse
    Stars oF Light iN LoVE oF aLL thaT iS aka God in smaller
    Human lettered words.. what an honor it is to live.. what an
    honor it is to exist at all.. what an honor it is to Love with every
    point of Light from head to toe as we Dance and Sing LiGht back
    to the
    as all that is..
    Sages of the Ages
    have intuited this Truth
    oF LiGht from ancient philosophers now
    to Stories oF ForcE LiGht as Modern as Star
    Wars too in ways of Characters like Yoda NoW wHo
    puts this reaLiTy oF Our much fuller Inheritance into
    words we move as planets around the stars in Balance
    We play with Gravity when we Dance and Sing like this
    And with Each Love Connection aMoNg Friends as HUman
    BeinGs anotHeR MultiVerse oF God is Born and God SMiLes
    More than a word of InFiniTy for tHeRe is now no distance.. space
    or time as LovELiGHT Born of HumaN eYes ConNecTinG CreaTinG NoW
    Master Piece Painting all that is we brush we paint We Master PeAcE LoVE..
    It’s true
    is Love
    for those
    who themselves
    appropriately see as
    honor and integrity NoW
    iN LoVELiGHT Mirror bEyond INFiniTy..
    so what is fear so what is hate when Relative
    Free WiLL coMes to LiGHT as hUman eYes..
    yes.. truly
    now nothing
    at all as LiGht..
    as Love GrowS
    uNlimited Dance and Song..
    Generally Speaking when i try
    to put Love iNto SonG i Dance
    the Twilight to See
    the Face
    iN Sunset clouds first..
    i find it works i find it works
    A Great Work iT iS to Love..
    “And this Song is for you” my FriEnd
    HiMaLi.. “i Hope you don’t miNd i put it into words”…:)

    Liked by 1 person

      • Make Love Pure


        Hehe.. that’s what NoW coMes to sPiRiT
        heART and SoUL anyWay as i continue
        to Create mY LiFE WitH LiGHT and
        to connect to similarly
        enFused Human
        BeinGs oN
        thE PoTenTiaL
        NoW oF THeiR
        LiGhT BeinGNoW
        YeT to CoME as tHeY
        Be the MuSE oF HuMaN
        CoNNecTioN tHaT GloWs
        And GroWS ForCE oF NoW
        iN OuR Connections to all that is
        as GoD EVeN MoRE as CreATiON
        We BeCOME AS ‘Luminous Beings’
        even MorE.. For the HuMaN SPiRiT iS
        oNLY LuMiNOUS as the LamP iT BRinGS
        OuT UMbReLLa
        oF LiGht tHaT
        oTHeR BeiNGS
        Experience MoRE
        oF Luminous NATuRE NOW..:)


  6. Just Brilliant Himali!! Thanks this is so true and I am experiencing everything you wrote in this post right now! Thanks for helping me to be more aware of it!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello my dear friend. So much love, hugs and peace to you 💖😇
      I know how it feels like. May God give you strength to come out strong. Take care.
      Prayers with you 🙂


  7. वो अफसाना जिसे अंजाम तक लाना न हो मुमकिन, उसे एक खूबसूरत मोड़ देकर छोड़ना अच्छा ..

    Liked by 1 person

  8. […] So finally, the answer to my question on the biggest test of love is Forgiveness. To love is to forgive. Unconditionally. Sometimes silently. Without making them feel flawed and guilty. The ones who love you, don’t make you feel flawed. If you feel you can no longer maintain ties with them, it’s okay. Say a kind word to them and maintain your distance. Indifference is okay as long as you don’t leave the person confused with your silence. Unless you have anything kind to say, say nothing to them. Just tell them that they are a good person and ask them to move on in life. To love is to be vulnerable. We have to be vulnerable to loss and hurt. Trust me, it is all worth it… […]


  9. I appreciate you sharing beyond words. It actually helped me to validate all my obstacles in life. There’s hope that people are still kind and can go through their journey with appreciation. The most beautiful thing is that you learned to appreciate the journey when the time is right. And you are in a better place. I’ve meet a lot of strangers in the dark. But I’m no long in need to be in the dark. Again, thank you for sharing. My God has always be there for me. May he always look out for the ones who are still left throwing stones at their fellow brothers and sisters in the dark.


  10. How did I miss this beautiful post way back in 2017. Gosh! I am so impressed by your writing skills..and also your honest opinions about the various topics you write about. Could writing be a field that you’d want to pursue in? By the looks of it…you certainly are talented…we’re lucky to have a blogger in you.
    It’s all about Love, Love, Love…we give it all we have and even if we get trampled over or heartbroken…we still pick up the pieces, smile and continue spreading more Love.
    You spread so much Love through your posts..appreciate it. Have a wonderful day ahead, Himali

    Liked by 1 person

    • “It’s all about Love, Love, Love…”

      I want to thank you for visiting my old posts and showing so much love!! I am blessed to have people like you who love and encourage me so much 🙂 Hugs and smiles to my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

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