Ever wondered what can be the biggest test of love ? Is it patience ? Or sacrifice ? Or understanding ?
I studied in a Convent High school for 14 formative years of my life and the life of Jesus Christ is really close to my heart. God sent his only son Jesus on Earth to be with us – ordinary people. Jesus Christ gave his life on The Cross to pay for our sins.
This is when I thought to myself, if God can forgive us for the countless sins we do, we as humans have no right to punish or hurt someone. I don’t believe in the concept of heaven and hell. Instead, I do believe that whatever good or bad we do, we get the results and rewards in this very life itself. Sometimes immediate, sometimes delayed. That’s what is Karma and may be we even call it luck, destiny or fate.
Above us all, there is someone who is watching us, always. He is seeing the good and the bad we do and we may lie to the world and to our ownselves, it is him; who we cannot cheat.
We feel hurt or disappointed with someone only if we love them or truly care about them. With strangers, it hardly matters. We forgive and forget almost instantly. When a loved one hurts us, betrays us or breaks our trust; we feel as if the world beneath our feet has been swept abruptly away. We hold on the grudge and the negative feelings against them. In turn, we end up punishing our own selves.
Sometimes you give them your all, your best and beyond. And in return, they leave you heart broken, empty, broken, dishelved and shattered. You want to say words of resentment to them and make them feel guilty and realise the harm they did to you. You want to seek a revenge or wish for bad things to happen to them. STOP. And think, who is the one filled with negativity all along ? What will you get by hurting in return for the hurt ? Will saying nasty things and acting mean make you feel good ? May be yes, for the instant gratification. But if you truly loved them, it will break your heart for hurting them.
So then, what to do ? How to deal with such situations and people ? Should you avoid and ignore them ? If you read my post on SILENCE, I shared my heartbreaking experience with dealing with a loved one’s silence and how much their silence hurt me. Similarly, your silence can hurt them too. Just like your mean words, your silence can also cut through them like a sword. Opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Silence is indifference.
For a moment, I want you to close your eyes and recollect the moment; when you hurt your parents with something you did as a child or a naive teenager. Did they punish you lifelong ? Did they cut off ties with you ? Recollect when you hurt your best friend or your spouse. What did they do ? Did you like it ? How did you wish to be treated then ?
The answer is love, kindness and compassion. The guilty is in as much pain as you. May be at times they haven’t fully realized their mistake or don’t even know if they have hurt you or how bad they broke you. Connecting to my post SOMEDAY, I think it’s not our responsibility to make them aware of their fault and give them a guilt trip. They will themselves figure it out, someday.
So finally, the answer to my question on the biggest test of love is Forgiveness. To love is to forgive. Unconditionally. Sometimes silently. Without making them feel flawed and guilty. The ones who love you, don’t make you feel flawed. If you feel you can no longer maintain ties with them, it’s okay. Say a kind word to them and maintain your distance. Indifference is okay as long as you don’t leave the person confused with your silence. Unless you have anything kind to say, say nothing to them. Just tell them that they are a good person and ask them to move on in life. To love is to be vulnerable. We have to be vulnerable to loss and hurt. Trust me, it is all worth it.
To get past the negative feelings and really be free your heart from all the emotions which holds you back from moving on in life, try the following
- Expressive Writing
Write yourself a letter / email speaking your heart out on how and what you felt during that phase and tear off the letter / delete that email you sent to yourself at a later date. This is helpful because once you are able to express your feelings of hurt, anger & betrayal, it is out of your heart & your system. This helps free your mind and soul to a big extent. Personally, I write an email to my own email ID which I never send to the person who has hurt me, but I write in that how I felt and what I will be doing in life to ensure that I learnt my lessons from that bitter experience.
Thoughts become things. Training to focus your mind on positive & happy thoughts brings a huge impact of our daily lives. Life is indeed cyclical and so are our days. During a day, we experience several highs and lows. I have tried to start a project for myself, where in I list down at least 5 things/ people/ incidents which made my day a “Happy” day and I’ve decided to call it “The Happyness Project (THP)”. Starting August 2nd, each day I will post a short synopsis of what made me happy that day and let the people behind that moment know that I treasure that moment. So, essentially; it is happyness, gratitude & thankfulness all practiced together.
No matter how you feel – You got to Show up – Dress up – And never ever Give up !
The heart’s capacity to love always exceeds its capacity to hate. Anger fades in time, genuine affection stays bright forever.
There are people who love you unconditionally. It is the time to surround yourself in the company of people who love and care for you. Their warm affection will help to heal the broken heart and melt away the numbness in you like the ice melting away with tender sunshine.
Lastly, forgive the ones who’ve hurt you. You will be rewarded for being kind and compassionate. It is just a test of your patience and love. May you pass this difficult exam with flying colors. LET IT GO & SET YOURSELF FREE !
And remember, this is for YOU –
For men may come and men may go but YOU will be with yourself forever 🙂
Translated as Today, you are there to hold yourself; And that’s enough !