My voice seldom trembles. But it did, last night. The lump in my throat was so hard to swallow that my voice trailed off for a few long seconds. “I need to go for the meeting, I will speak to you later” was all I could manage to whisper between the sobs I tried to hold back. Going back home, took an infinity. The cab driver took the longest route back home, and for the first time; I just didn’t mind. I listened to all of the saddest songs in my playlist on repeat mode. My heart was numb and my mind was filled with grief. Shock and disbelief were mere understatements. I found no appropriate adjectives to describe how I felt. Moments went in a blur.
It was hard to wake up, get dressed and continue the normal life. I managed, nonetheless. Engulfed in sadness, I tried to distract my mind. I chatted with my best friend and in moments we were discussing plans for her and she was so happy that we could discuss about her anxiety and dilemma with such ease. I gave her an update on my conversation last evening. In moments, she was comforting me and life felt okay NOT be okay.
Amidst all the chaos, I figured out that yes, life is unfair. Life is hard. Life is harsh. Life is cruel. Karma is real.
BUT, if you have someone to share your share of grief, you are lucky and blessed. If you got a friend who will hug you when you feel like your world has collapsed, you’ve got God’s angel to take care of you. If you have someone to remind you of your goals and purpose in life when you feel utterly hopelessly lost and broken; you are endowed.
Dear Life – you are unfair, unkind, brutal, vicious, savage and utterly beautiful.
Dear Best Friend – I love you.