Often we find ourselves so busy chasing our goals, juggling the multiple roles we play in life, trying to keep up with the ever-increasing pace of life and meeting expectations of people around us in an attempt to keep our near and dear ones happy with us; that we feel lost. The hustle and bustle of the daily life takes a toll on us until we no longer have time in our life – for our own self. An irony, isn’t it?
I have found myself in a similar situation, so neck deep engrossed – just living life and passing by days, that leave the part of acknowledging being lost in a maze; I couldn’t really accept it, even when a very close friend of mine pointed this out to me. My friend’s questions were a sort of wake up call to me when I started pondering over them with a calm mind at bedtime.
“Where is the Himali – I knew – LOST? The blogger, the poet, the artist and the DIY fanatic? Where is the girl lost who loved to paint and who would blog till 3 AM on a weekday? Where is the girl hiding, who could read till 2 AM and the girl who would discuss with me the story of her debut novel?”
I did defend myself for reasons such as my hour-long commute back and forth, my study schedules, chores and errands I had to run, grocery shopping, laundry, etcetera. I was justified, wasn’t I? Of course, I was swamped, overloaded and eternally abundantly occupied. These justifications were true but somehow, that little voice in my heart did not resonate with them.
I thought long about how life was when I was so deeply connected to all I was intensely passionate about and how life felt living a monotonously dull life. I could see the stark difference. I felt lost and a deep sense of void. I felt like the above picture of a dying flower. My soul was withering away with the bitter winter of ‘life’.
This wasn’t how I had planned life to be. I wanted to flourish and blossom, again. I wanted the spring back in my life. I just did not know – HOW? How to find the time or how to strike the right balance and how to feel alive with that zest for life again?
A friend at work has a little money plant in her cubicle which has grown its veils over her walls and added much serenity to her workspace. I got talking to her and was asking how she manages to keep the plant so healthy and here is what she told me – I change its water twice a week and talk to my plant every other day even if it for a few minutes.
I took her magic gardening technique and decided to take up a moonlighting stint. I decided to become a gardener. I starting out with regularly watering my soul with my passion and weeded off the pests of distraction and laziness from my farm. I then went on to manure my barren land with fertilizers of gratitude and love. I sprayed off pesticide of forgiveness to keep remorse and malice at a bay. The toil was hard – I had to work on my farm every single day – 24 by 7, without a break or rest – on rainy days and snowy days, alike. I practiced plowing my field with consistency – I started writing more often, yoga, evening walks, and art has found a way back in my life. I keep my garden protected from strays like negativity, resentment, and self-doubt that threaten to hamper my garden.
My garden has started to bloom again. I see a little bud in my rose plant. I am eagerly waiting for it to blossom into a full bloomed rose.