18th Nov., 2018
One good thing about resigning yourself from finding a solution to your problems and invoking guidance from the higher power is that you feel so much at ease. It is as if a mountain has been lifted off your shoulders. I woke up the next morning, a bit lighter than last evening which was so chaotic. I slept well, thanks to the exhaustion of last evening.
When you resign to finding a solution, you see things as they are rather than how you’d like them to be. Actions go on autopilot mode instead of you having to break your head wondering what to do next. I decided I wanted to make a quick call to my mom that morning and I was speaking to her about our days and I can’t figure out what exactly let me, but I discussed the dilemma I had at hand, with my mother in black and white facts. There have been times when I wouldn’t really lie or hide things, but to get my way; I’d kind of sell a story to my parents so I would know that they’d agree to me. At other times, I’d hold on to what I want to do with a lot of resistance until they’d agree to me.
This time was different. I was very frank and honest and presented the facts to them in plain vanilla flavor, without added flavors, toppings or sweeteners. Also, instead of getting my way convinced, I focused on hearing what she had to say. She raised her concerns to me and asked me to think about a few things. I didn’t get a straight yes or no answer because my mother was patient enough to listen without trying to influence my opinion. She, however, presented her side of the argument to me; which was again in line with what perspective my brother and best friend were trying to explain to me. Now, it was my ‘zid’ against the wisdom of my loved ones.
By evening, I got even calmer and as a lake – when the waters get calm; you start seeing your reflection in them. I stumbled across a YouTube video by chance which was about ‘Trusting your intuition‘ – again what a coincidence or destiny had it planned? I took cues and asked the Universe to show me signs if I was headed on the right path. I had a refreshing hot water shower and while I freshened up, I saw a message from my meditation class instructor if I wanted to join for the meditation session that evening! The Universe was bringing to me EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED to heal and to clear up my mind. I texted her back saying, I not just wanted to join but also wanted to discuss something with her before/after the class. Before leaving for the class, I spoke to both my parents over the call, and this time thought – I SURRENDERED COMPLETELY, DROPPING ALL THE ATTACHMENT AND ALL THE BUILT IN RESISTANCE. I asked them to think of what I was asking and give me an answer which they thought was for my highest good.
I discussed my dilemma with my instructor who asked me to jot down my worries or the two scenarios in much detail as a letter to The Master in my diary and then to resign to The Master praying to him that ‘Help me choose the path which is for the highest good. If What I want, is not meant for the best interest, bring some obstacle to my way, so that I do NOT proceed with my wish, rather TRUST YOUR WILL.’ I went for a walk post my meditation session which helped me slow down and be detached from the decision. In the meanwhile, I hadn’t seen any sign which I had asked the Universe to show me if I was walking on the right path with what I wanted.
As soon as I came home, I got a call from my dad who is otherwise quite flexible with my choices but this time he gave me a different answer. Rather than saying a yes or a no, he asked me a question for myself to figure out and then if I could get that, I could have my wish and my way!! 🙂 I liked his approach and somehow what he said made a lot of sense as this was what exactly my best friend had also told me. I was thrilled and excited at the very least.
I went to bed with a lot of joy, excitement, positivity, and love like one happy camper. I was expecting things to work my way. I heard a lot of beautiful music, wrote some nice emails and dozed off to sleep.