Struggles, Entitlement & The Ego

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A few weeks back, I found myself surrounded by struggle, stress, anxiety and uneventful circumstances. I was complaining about the bitter experiences I had to go through and why weren’t things easy and smooth for me? The people who I really wanted to be with me when I felt so vulnerable, were all scattered like marbles. I was complaining to God ‘Why me? Why do I need to kiss so many frogs? Why can’t things be just easy!’

The thing about going through struggles is that at times, you get into the zone of self-entitlement. I am also guilty of being there. I caught myself thinking and even saying aloud to a friend that I have been through so much, I should get what I want now! What is with all these constant exams and tests of my patience, my faith, and my wisdom? Why do I have to go through all this? You know what, NOW – things SHOULD work out for me. I don’t have any more strength to deal with all these hardships and curveballs. I MUST have what I WANT. What I am having to go through, IS NOT FAIR. Others have it so much easy. 

I will not lie, I did feel entitled. It wasn’t me doing these talks, it was my mini-me – the mini-me fuelled by Ego.

The self which thought I should have what I want, not just because I deserve it, but also because I have paid a good enough price for it in the form of my suffering and my lost sleep. 

Then something happened, something magical – nothing short of a miracle. I got another perspective on all the hard experiences I was being bombarded with. I felt I was facing a tough time because I was COMPARING my journey with those who had it easy and straightforward. I felt like a victim where in reality, I was just looking at things from an angle of fear and lack. I could CHOOSE to shift my perspective to an angle of love, the eyes of gratitude and learning. In fact, when I did think deep, I got super clear on WHAT I WANT, by experiencing what I did not want. I got so clear about what is it that I valued and WHY. 

There were gems of learnings behind all the experiences and all the ups and downs I saw in my journey. It made me look at my desire in a different light. What was it that is a deal breaker for? What is it that I value the most? And WHY? All the turmoil and wrong people I encountered, only made me appreciate more all the wonderful people I currently had in my life and all the blessings my life was currently filled with.

I moved from looking at the struggle as something wicked to accepting and embracing it as a part of my journey.

I also stopped to compare my story with that of those around me and it was for two reasons. Firstly, everyone has their own story and their own unique journey in life. It wasn’t fair on my part to compare as it would be comparing apples to oranges. I didn’t know the path they had to take to reach where they currently were. I also didn’t know the struggles they faced in other areas of their life. Secondly, what I was asking from the Universe, was a one in a million kind of thing. If I wanted something so magnificent, my lessons, learnings and my journey would be unique and different from everyone else’s experiences. Each one has to experience the learnings they need to get in alignment with their desires.

Maybe the struggles were meant to teach me what I am meant to learn in my journey.

I have now truly known, what it is to detach and surrender and let the Universe bring to me what is necessary for me to learn and grow – both good and bad experiences as I embrace the uphill as well as the downhill ride, both with open hands as a part of my journey.

I now look at experiences from the eyes of my heart from a place of love and learning, rather than the eyes of fear and negativity.

Namaste,
Himali

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