A few months back when I was studying A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and The Universe Has Your Back (TUHYB), I was religious and sincere to understand the key concepts and apply them in every opportunity I could find in my daily life – be it to regularize my exercise schedule, planning the perfect holiday, forgiving, letting go, taking risks, looking around with kindness and having a never-ending quest for miracles. I had convinced myself that there is no order of difficulties in miracles and that miracles were natural. All this and more, was because I chose love over fear. I chose to learn through the teacher of love rather than fear.
Have you ever experienced the feeling where you keep your favorite book in a dusty corner, forget all about it and then one fine day just stumble across and realize how much you’ve missed it and how incomplete your days have been without having it in your vicinity…? Well, I have had a similar metaphorical experience. Somewhere over the past few months, I lost connection with my inner self, my spiritual practice, listening to things that resonated much with my personal philosophy and conscious practice for self-awareness. My soul felt like the book being covered by a layer of dust, not properly tended to. As a result, I had fallen prey to fear. My heart felt open, vulnerable and susceptible to even the slightest noise around. It was as if I had lost the balance I had worked so hard to gain in the very first place. Like a house of cards, one gust of wind and one card being lightly ruffled, I came tumbling down – with fear, worry, doubt, and negativity. I couldn’t really come to terms with how I responded under some situations and I must admit I wasn’t particularly proud of the person I saw in the mirror…
Well, you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Hence, I decided to change… To go back to the old routine… The old way. To reconnect my soul with the infinite abundance and wisdom. To unlearn, learn and relearn. To chip off the fear and carve beautiful patterns of love and faith. I wanted to act from a place of love and abundance. To move away and heal from the fear-based stories, perceptions, and choices I was making. To see things differently. I was willing to surrender. To ask for help. From God. To pray. To be humble enough to admit that I do not know and I can not know and that I seek to be led and guided.
I think it truly is about the journey and the process rather than the end goal or the destination. I am grateful that I lost my way in between. It has shown to me the things that matter. The people who stood by me when I wasn’t the best version of myself. The loved ones who sent their love to me although they were far away from me. More importantly, it has got me back to the teacher of love. To embrace myself and erase the shadows of fear and doubts.
I trust that the universe has my back and that I am loved and being guided.