Back in October 2019, I was given a task – to perform certain tasks and maintain + share via emails an activity log for every single day.
It was basically to keep me accountable and help me achieve a wildly important goal.
I did it for 1 day –> sent my activity log for the day –> felt super overwhelmed –> failed mentally (Oh Gosh! Am never gonna be able to do this :() –> felt gripped by the fear of failure –>decided to quit even before starting. I thought that I just couldn’t do it and the task at hand was beyond my abilities. It was indeed a very emotionally weak and vulnerable moment when I decided to quit.
To persevere is hard, especially when the battle is mental. Failing in real life comes 2nd. The primary failure happens in our minds. When we think that “I JUST CAN NOT DO THIS. THIS IS SO HARD. I AM GOING TO FAIL.”
It is indeed this fear of failure that leads us to QUIT even before trying enough. Because we dont want to see ourselves fail. Hence, our mind – tricks us into quitting – even before we start.
In that emotionally vulnerable state, I typed out a very long email – explaining how I felt and why I QUIT from the project at DAY 1 (the decision was already made by myself). I shed tears of grief and failure. I cried myself to sleep that night. I didn’t really feel good about myself. I had all sorts of questions about my capabilities and perseverance. I had made up in my mind that quitting is better than failing in the end or even eventually, so better quit NOW.
I didn’t see any HOPE. That was my biggest pain – I HAD LOST HOPE. HOPE THAT I COULD DO IT, IF I TRIED.
My biggest disappointment was not the one with myself, but because I let someone else down – someone who gave me a chance and put their trust onto me. That was why I felt so much worse.
I didn’t expect any consolations or motivational messages. After all, I took the decision to quit by myself. I had just accepted the failure. To be honest, I felt like a coward who chose the easy way out. Then, I get a text message which read: “One day fever?” I am not sure why, but there was something about that simple text message after my elaborate email, which made me cry.
It kind of made me feel guilty. For letting down someone who was counting on me.
These 3 words, literally transformed my course of action over the next 1 month. I decided to get myself together and be resilient to storms. To TRY MY BEST. To give it my all and everything. It made me know that someone cared about my success and wanted me to succeed. That someone believed in me.
I worked very hard and eventually reached the finish mark without any supervision at all. I diligently put in my very best every day. I took ownership of myself and my actions. I held myself accountable. I actually felt great about myself and even proud of myself with each passing day.
LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES IN YOU.
WHO BETS ON YOU. WHO IS COUNTING ON YOU. WHO TRUSTS YOU.
Sometimes, the only person who will believe in you will be YOU – YOURSELF. And, you might be THE ONLY PERSON. You just have to keep going, persevere and not give up.
TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE WORTH IT. ❤