Originally answered as a requested question on Quora!
I loooooove INTJs! One of my fav. MBTI types. Super adorable*, (*)if you understand their hearts ❤ Patience and understanding is the key with them. Also, give them their space. As an INFP, I kind of bombard into their territory uninvited 😛 YET, they never make me feel unwelcome.
I wrote an open letter to the INTJs here: A letter to the INTJs in my life
Here we go, “What are some secrets about INTJs?” – my list:
- They may not show their feelings/ emotions, but they have a very gentle heart. They feel things deeply!
- Creativity, kindness, and thoughtfulness touches them deeply.
- They love taking care of you! In little things – you must eat, eat more, etc.
- They love giving you an experience, showing you new things, places, food, restaurants they like.
- They have an amazing wit and sense of humor.
- Their advice is GOLD. Super useful and insightful. They are the best problem solvers.
- They love to be adored and told how much we appreciate them.
- They express their love very subtly using very different language – only when you prod them, will you know the real essence of what they just said. Their “I love you” is a different love language.
- They show their care for you doing simple, non-flashy practical acts of service for you. Dropping you home, picking you up from the airport – no flowers or candlelight dinners – efficient and practical stuff.
- They are so so observant and attentive, even when you think they aren’t.
- If they help you achieve your goals by mentoring you/ overseeing you/ advising you, they care about you so much more than you think.
- They love challenging ideas, thoughts, views – it isn’t an argument of sorts, but a learning playground which has to be “FACTUALLY ACCURATE”.
- They will so easily find flaws in your logic and make you rethink with a fresh perspective. Good luck holding an intellectual battle with them for over 5 minutes 😛
- They like to keep their inner world protected and open up with only few “selected” people who have “earned” their trust.
- The process of ‘earning” their trust – is rigorous, painstakingly long and full of surprise tests. Patience and consistency is what they are looking for.
- They forgive “genuine mistakes” with ease. They aren’t quite the cold-blooded heartless jerks they show themselves as. Refer #1: THEY HAVE A GENTLE HEART.
- They easily can spot fake praise. DO NOT do it to make them feel nice. They will know it in a second.
- Similarly, they easily recognize genuine efforts and interests. They will not show that, but they value it with all their heart.
- They like it when you notice the little things they do. For You. Be grateful to them for their contributions to your life.
- DO NOT AIM TO MAKE THEM CHANGE. They will, only if they want to and see reason and logic to it.
- They have super high standards – for everything. Tell them, you went for a bike ride, they’ll ask you what was your speed. 20. “30 is the minimum for a good workout! Where did you go and what were you exactly doing?” Oh! I was in the city, having a leisure ride, and there was traffic and when I was around a quite park, I stopped by often to take pictures. “Okay, makes sense. If you workout on a stationary bike, aim for 30, ok?”
- Their standards will be upgraded by the time you reach the “previous” benchmark. THEY WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON.
- Learn how (NOT) to fight/ argue with/ from them. They know how to effectively deal with a “difference of opinion” without throwing a huge fit.
- Be prepared for direct instructions and blunt communication. NO SUGAR COATING. Let it NOT hurt your feelings, instead understand the “WHY” and the “logic” from them.
- They can read the fear in your eyes and the sadness in your silence.
- When they notice #25, they will make you laugh and smile. That is their way of telling you that they care and that they are with you.
- Allow them to lead, show trust in them. This makes them happy.
- Ask questions, get curious, go into the “why”. They love having intellectual conversations.
- They are philosophers at heart. Prepare to learn their “theories” and “patented novel ideas”.
- They are creative and poetic. Their words have the power to sweep you off the floor in an instant.
Are you an INTJ? Do you know an INTJ in your life? Which of the above you think holds true? Anything else you can think of? Let me know in the comments below 🙂